As Itty's birth is getting closer and closer, I thought I'd take a minute to put down my thoughts so far about being pregnant, giving birth and becoming a mom.
Being pregnant . . . I'm starting to feel like a real professional pregnant woman. I rub my tummy, put my feet up every chance I get, waddle around completely ungracefully, and make little grunting noises everytime I have to stand up or sit down or move around too much just like you see all the pregnant ladies do on the tellie. Despite everyone telling me how well I'm handling it all and how radiant I look, I have to admit I'm starting to be just the eentsiest bit tired of being a fat cow. It's not that I'm ready to evict Itty from his/her warm little nest just yet, but everything is starting to get really uncomfortable.
Around Christmas time, my feet, especially my heels, really started to hurt. Apparently, this is a common ailment in pregnant women (and obese people) as our already loose ligaments in our feet strain under our extra weight. Common or not, it's not much fun and has pretty much put an end to any walking that Paul, Nacho and I used to do. Instead we've continued on with our yoga class twice a week and going to the public pool a lot to swim/walk laps (Paul and I anyway, Nacho isn't too keen on swimming or yoga). But then, almost two weeks ago, I started getting this intense pressure deep in my groin which has changed into sharp pain every time I try to move my legs. The midwives assured us that Itty wasn't trying to make an early entrance just moving down lower in my pelvis and stretching things out to get ready for his/her big day. Unfortunately, this has made it nearly impossible to do yoga, swim or anything else very active (except the great Pilates for pregnancy exercises in the book the Paul's mum, Yvonne, gave me).
So now I do a lot of laying around on the couch and wishing I could do more to get the house and my body ready for Itty's arrival. Paul thinks it's nature's way of forcing me to take some time out to rest and get mentally prepared for the months ahead of me, but I'm not sure if Oprah and afternoon cooking shows are really helping all that much.
Giving birth . . . I have to be honest and admit that not so very long ago I was pretty freaked out about the whole birth experience. Going through what I did with the miscarriage was so painful and scary and out of control that I have been terrified of going through labor and birth (especially with everyone telling me how big Itty is likely to be). Early in December, I spent a few very emotional weeks realizing that if I went into birth feeling the way I did that it was pretty much guaranteed to be traumatic and decided to do something about it.
First thing was to start reading lots about positive birth experiences and tuning out all of the women who love to share how horrible their labors/births were. Why do women do this? Is there a prize to be won? Next, I decided to find myself a doula to be with me during labor and birth to help support me and what I want (and more importantly what I don't want). After some searching around, we were referred to a woman who lives in Kelmscott. And when Paul called her to see if she was available, she asked where we lived and started laughing and wanted to know if I was the pregnant lady who's always mowing the lawn (which I totally am or was before the pains set in). Anyway, it turns out she lives across the side street from us, agreed to be my doula and already has been really helpful in explaining what to expect during labor and birth.
I've also been asking way more questions of the midwives and I'm feeling really confident that we chose the right place to give birth. They're a really kind group of women who support us neurotic pregnant ladies with pretty much wherever and however we want to give birth. They also don't believe in intervening any more than absolutely necessary which I quite like. Paul and I have also signed up for some positive birth workshops with this new-age doula/water aerobics instructor to learn all about natural pain relief, massage and meditation/visualization during birth. I've read her book and she's a bit out there (she eats her placenta!), but I'm hoping that she'll have a lot of really positive things to share.
And now, believe it or not, I'm actually starting to look forward to going through labor and giving birth and not just for the terrific reward we get at the end. It's pretty unbelievable to think about the amazing things that women's bodies are designed to do, and I'm really looking forward to experiencing it. And if these hips of mine weren't made for birth then I don't know what else they're good for!
Becoming a mom . . . Holy cow! This fact has just not sunk in yet. Of course, I realize that there's no going back and that I'm in this for the long haul, but sometimes I just can't remember why Paul and I decided that this having kids thing would be such a great idea. I'm too immature and unstable to be a mom. I can't even remember to brush my own teeth every morning how can I be trusted to look after a completely helpless little human person. Paul keeps reassuring me that we're going to be great parents, but what does he know? He hadn't even held a baby before he met me. And besides, he's not the one who will be home with Itty 24/7, is he? All I can do is hope that once Itty and I finally get the chance to meet that I'll be so overcome with motherliness that everything will just come naturally . . . and if it doesn't, I just hope that any damage that I may cause our little one will be minimal.
And to be honest, after all this time sharing a body with the little one, I'm just busting to meet Itty Bitty.
3 comments:
You and Paul will be great parents!
And I can't wait for Itty's arrival. In fact.....we've been thinking about changing our visit from this fall to this spring (your fall). What do you think about that? Cause I can't wait to meet Itty!
Thanks for the blog. As always we really appreciate you doing this. Helps us feel a little closer to what is going on half way around the world from us.
I will be phoning you shortly about the visit. Dad has already checked out tickets......
Later ... Love Mom
I can't believe how soon it will be before itty bitty arrives. I must tell you that my birthing experience was a good one. It was so quick I can hardly remember it. But I do remember my sister's visual...she said a contraction was like climbing a mountain and there were lots of mountains to climb, but you always get to come back down. For athletes, it is much like training. I counted breathes during contractions and I knew they'd be over by my 14th breathe (much like meditating, I suppose). The best part about the pain of labor (if you can you really say those things together in a sentence?) is that it is predictable, it will end and the reward is FANTASTIC!!! Big mama hugs - Love Rebecca
I Totally agree with Rebeccas comments about the rhythm of birth. You CAN get through it as long as you let the parasympathetic, primitive part of your brain take over. It is pain with a purpose and that is so helpful. Also, I am a big huge fan of grunting, moaning, toning, whatever you wanna call it. Ask my sister...I sounded like a mating water buffalo!! You are going to have an amazing experience. And, as far as motherhood goes, as with all new transitions it is something you grow into. Thank goodness for moms, the internet, friends and all the wise women who became mommies before us who share their many pearls of wisdom with us! Love ya Casey Soo!!!
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