The Scoop about the Poop

We've had a pretty sucky time this year: my mom and now a good friend have passed away, the ceiling of our house started caving in, both Elliot and Paul were taken to hospital in ambulances, we have a potential lawsuit with the builder of our investment property, and there's probably even more I'm forgetting.

But probably the person who has had the worst time of things this year is Elliot.

Late in January, our family doctor finally started to take my concerns about Elliot's frequent poo accidents seriously and referred us to a paediatrician. In the meantime, she diagnosed Elliot with encopresis and an anal fissure (Ouch!!), and we started a behavioural plan, high-fibre diet and laxatives.

And then he started school three days a weeks in February.

Despite a long conversation with his teacher when I explained Elliot's bowel troubles and frequent ongoing poos in his pants, we were assured that this wouldn't be an issue in the classroom and that this wasn't out of the ordinary with kids his age.

I guess none of us could have guessed that Elliot would have so many accidents at school, but the pooing in his pants ended up being a big problem. He would try to hold it and end up having several accidents most days, and it was quite evident (despite us being told that it wasn't a big deal) that at least the teacher assistant who had to clean him up, was getting pretty fed up.

In March, I left the boys in Paul's capable hands (with some extra help from day care and a mum's group friend, Heidi) and flew to the States to be with my mom before she passed away. I knew from phone calls with Paul that things with Elliot weren't great.

I had already seen some things that had me worried: he had started withdrawing from the things he loved, wouldn't try new things because he said he couldn't do them, began behaving more immaturely and responding more sensitively. Basically, we were watching our funny, outgoing, brave little boy shrink into a little person who was losing all self-confidence and self-esteem.

I knew that it had been a tough and emotional start to the year and really hoped that when I got home, things would slowly start to improve.

The very next day after landing in Perth, I went to drop Elliot off at school and was pulled aside by his teacher and told that they needed to have a meeting that afternoon. I was a bit surprised because I knew that Paul had already met with Elliot's teacher and school psychologist while I was away and had started a new reward system, but agreed to meet with her. 

When I got there, one of the assistant principals was also there and they began dumping all of this stuff on my jet-lagged self: for the sanitation and safety of the other children they were having Elliot sit on separate mat and his own special chair, that they were taking him to the showers to be hosed down when he had accidents, etc. And although, I numbly nodded (while I cried), we decided to leave him in school under these new conditions.

And then the next week, we received Elliot's mid-term report. What a shock! I know every parent thinks the world of their child, but I couldn't believe that the report was for my kid. The report judges kids across twelve or so different criteria using a scale of Developed, Developing, or Needs Improvement. Elliot only received a Developed for recognizing his name and everything else was Developing or Needs Development. This included really strange things like a Needs Development for communication skills.

Are you kidding me??!?! Elliot's communication skills have always been quite advanced (at times too advanced if you ask me!). It dawned on me that either: 1) Elliot was a totally different kid at school or 2) the teacher wasn't able to see Elliot beyond the poo problem. 

I rallied support. I asked Heidi to see her little girl's report from the same teacher. All Developed or Developing. I spoke to Elliot's daycare supervisor and room leader who were as dumbfounded as we were by the report.

So we decided to pull Elliot out of school and decided our first priority would be building back up the Elliot that we know and love. This was followed by a very close second priority of helping him to get on top of his poo situation, and third of keeping him up on the rigorous kindergarten curriculum.

And although things haven't happened as quickly as we had hoped, things are improving. It's hard to express the joy and pride we've seen as Elliot has started to regain his self-assurance. He started playing soccer this term, and we've been amazed at the way he has entered this brand new setting with a brand new group of kids with such enthusiasm. Daycare has also commented about his higher self-esteem and how he sticks up for himself when the other kids tease him about the poos.

And the poos. I do wish I could say that we've gotten that all under control. God how I wish I could say that. But, I can say that there have been great improvements; he hardly had an accident all of July. And then there have also been great setbacks. It's heart-breaking for all of us.

But I can say that generally, Elliot is doing much better and the number of poos that make it into the toilet these days far outnumber the ones that end up in his pants. We have to be happy for that amazing progress. And the fact that Santa has confirmed that an iPad is in the cards if he continues to get his poos in the loo is definitely an incentive too.

We've also met a couple of times with the paediatrician who has assured us that Elliot is on the mend. And that we just have to try to be patient as these things take quite a bit of time. His bowel is no longer full of compacted poo and his fissure has healed. We keep him flowing with a good diet and regular laxatives and pile on the encouragement and rewards.

A dino bedroom: One of Elliot's rewards for getting the poos in the loo.
(The blur on the bed is Oliver!)

And now we are apprehensively re-enrolling Elliot back in school to finish off the school year. He'll start at the end of October and go three days a week again until mid-December. We wanted to give him the chance to readjust to the school setting before commencing mandatory full-time schooling next February.

And what will we do if things don't go well again? Whatever it takes.

But let's hope we don't have to go there.